February is the month of love for all of those love birds and couples to take a moment and express their love. Usually new couples are more excited about Valentine’s day because this is their first or second time of celebrating. Not only for new couples, but also some old couples still put an effort to celebrate. It is fascinating and magical to see those old couples who have been together for so many years but still look at each other the way they did since the first time they date. They are still struck by love as if the feelings are never washed away after years go togetherness and the ups and downs that they have gone through.
After doing some observation on young (young adults) and old (married) couples, I found things that they do differently for their long-lasting relationship to go on for years even decades. Here are some tips for those who want to have their relationship long-last.
1. Love and treat your partner as your best friend.
Those couples who successfully maintain their relationship for long, take their partners as their best friends, not as their “arm-candy” or only as a “girlfriend”/“boyfriend”. They are not afraid to tell each other most things about them. They easily open up to each other because their partner is not a stranger to them. They also accept the good and bad sides of their partner. By having your partner as your best friend, you will feel more comfortable to have them around as often as possible. You will also feel comfortable to communicate your fears, worries, and ever your dark souls. Also, being comfortable in communicating will avoid you from lying to your partner. It does not matter whether the lies are small (like where you are, whom you are with, whom you are spending the day with), lies will scrape trust, because if you can lie about small things, you will find it easy to lie about other big things. That is why having your parent as a best friend is important, because it increases their communication skill and satisfaction towards the relationship. This first tip, is the first step to next tips.
2. They don’t fight over small things
Couples in long-last relationship don’t bother with small problems like how their partners play video games more often on weekends, or they choose cheaper restaurants to have dinner, or how they talk silly and embarrassingly laugh out loud with their friends, or when they wore clothes that their partners don’t like. These couples save their fights for big differences that actually worth fighting for, such as where they would have a wedding, or where they would actually buy a house and what kind that they want, or what kind of parenting style that works for them and their kids in the future, or certain norms/values/principles that they think are important to have. When having they finally have their big fights, they are not afraid to express their feelings and also try harder to understand their partner’s point of view. They don’t hold back and repress their feelings in a fight because it will lead to another fight in the future, so when they fight, they finish it.
3. They commit, almost never break up
They don’t break up easily, no matter how big their problems are. Their first concern is to finish the fight, not the relationship. They don’t even think of living apart with their best friend, so they choose to solve problems and don’t give an ultimatum to their partners when they fight. If they need time away from another, they will respectfully give the time and space to cool down. For them, commitment is not as simple as “being loyal”, but whatever happens to them, no matter how big the storm is, they will get through it together. Also, by feeling satisfied with their relationship, they don’t cheat on their partners. A lot of people cheat and feel so hard to be loyal because they are not comfortable with their partner. They don’t feel satisfied with their relationship, so they try to find the comfort and satisfaction from someone else.
4. They never stop trying to be the best for their partner
You will never stop being the best for you best friend. This is why the love does not fade away after many years of togetherness, because they always give their best to each other. The women always look nice and attractive for their boyfriend/husband, they give each other the most thoughtful present, they are being the best listener, and try to make them feel special by celebrating small occasions (not only on anniversaries or Valentine’s day, but when one of them getting a promotion, or get a new job, or any other achievement that they have).
5. They make considerate decisions and consult them first with each other
They don’t make decisions by themselves. They give their partners a chance to talk and give advice to them. For example, the boyfriend wants to take more time to do his hobbies on sports, and it would take some of their date time, he gives his girlfriend a chance to give her opinion about it. Or when a husband wants to quit and take another job, he considers the risk of his actions toward his family and consults with his wife. Not only consulting, but the other parties also give an objective opinion and rule out their personal feelings on this as much as possible. For example, the girlfriend understands how important the hobby is for her boyfriend so she understands if they would date less often, not being mad and acting all sensitive towards his decision. The wife is also not mad and all worried that her husband would be unemployed for a couple of months because he wants to quit, but instead she tries to support his decision and find another job that suits her husband. It is very important to be objective when you listen and give advice to your partner because by getting emotional and unsupportive will affect your partner’s trust. They will most likely feel reluctant and hesitate to tell you their concerns, and will more likely to not asking you for any advice or count your opinion.
Based on 5 tips above, the key to have a long-last relationship is “being each other’s best friends”. It is the key to open a lot of doors of aspects of relationship such as communication, trust, commitment, etc. It will give you comfort, open-communication, and strong commitment/trust.
What about you old couples? Do you have other tips to have long-last relationships like yours?