You’ve probably been asked many times in your life for help. Although you had to do some things for yourself you didn’t want to come over as rude, so you just helped the person. No foul, no harm. Three days later, your friend asks you to help him with his homework. Again, you help him, because it’s your friend and friends are supposed to help each other right?! The day after your friend asked you to help him, you get a call from your other friends asking if you want to hang out and the day after that something else pops up. Hopefully you understand the point I’m trying to make. We often get so caught up with the daily struggles of someone else that we forget that we have our own things to deal with. We keep delaying our own things, because we are afraid saying no is a sign of disrespect or wrong behavior. Saying no is very important. It’s so important that there is actually a whole science behind it. .
Saying no is important, if you want to take control of your life. You need to make time for you. After all, you are your longest commitment. So what you need to learn is saying no in a ‘gentle’ way…if that even exists. It can be difficult some times. Many people have troubles dealing with this issue properly. ‘Saying no’ sounds a bit passive agressive. You know that people get offended easily. So how do you learn saying no in a proper way that it doesn’t offend the person you’re saying it to? In this blog post I’lll give you three tips on how you can say ‘no’ the right way.
When we want to say ‘no’ we often focus too much on the word itself. You’re already thinking about the fact that you’re going to say no when someone requests something of you, so when it’s your time to give your answer you may start off with: No I can’t because… By doing this you’re putting the emphasis on the word ‘no’ and like I said before, the word ‘no’ sounds naturally offensive/negative. So instead of saying immediately no, try to replace it at the beginning of the sentence with for example ‘that sounds really great, although…’ or something similar. Just don’t answer back with ‘no’ as the first word that comes out of your mouth when your goal is to politely decline someone’s request.
2. Be brief
A lot of times when people are requesting something from us and we want to say no we think really hard about a good reason that justifies us saying no. This creates an ambiguous situation, because now the person maybe thinks that you’re just making up lame excuses on why you can’t. And that’s what you want to avoid! For only this reason alone already, you don’t have to have one ‘good reason’ that you think will be good enough to justify your ‘no’. Be honest and just tell them how you feel about it. Don’t sugarcoat it. If you’re honest you don’t have to fabricate a story on why you’re saying no and believe me, they will appreciate your honesty. It’s better to be slapped with the truth, than to be kissed with a lie.
It makes things easier when you’re saying no, if you can come up with a counteroffer. Maybe you can give a suggestion on a problem when someone’s asking you for helping them trying to find a solution. Or when your friends want to hang out with you, you can tell them that you’re available on another day. This way you’re showing the people respect and telling them that it’s just not the right time for you now to ask something from you. This way makes sure that both parties are satisfied with the end result.
I hope you’ve found this article useful. I’d suggest that you try to implement one of these tips in your decision-making skills. Especially when you’re having difficulties with saying no in a ‘gentle’ way. It really helps. That uncomfortable feeling that you get when you’re saying no will certainly be much less. If the tip that you tried out doesn’t work don’t get upset. Just try another one. If you got any tips that you want to share with us, drop them in the comment section.