I think that the ability to make friends is one of the most important skills that we need to survive. Friends are important if we want to make it in the long haul of life because they do help us dealing with so many issues in life such as work and even on a personal level. However, some people may not really be good at making friends for several reasons and one of them maybe because they are not comfortable at opening up to people. If you are one of them, you do not need to be sad. I am one of those people.
It feels sad because we do want to make new friends but it is just so difficult to open up because you are afraid to be hurt again. I am here to tell you that even though I am a difficult person to open up, I can overcome it, even if the process is slow. How? I am here to help you to do just so. The tips that I am going to give you are a combination of my personal techniques and also the results from a lot of research (I do want to give you tips that are backed up by science). Anyway, here are those tips:
Making Long Lasting Friendships
1. Do not force yourself to open up (unless you are comfortable)
I think that the title of this point is self-explanatory. But first, what is opening up? For me, opening up to people is about telling people what I think about life and about my feelings. The trick with opening up to people is that we sometimes do not how much open we need to be. The key is that the first time you meet with someone, unless you connect THAT MUCH with him or her (you know if you do, you can talk about anything with him or her), you do not need to open up yourself to him or her that much. We can start talking about our similarities such as where we grow up or what food we like for starter.
2. Be chill with yourself and with other people
In relation with point number one, I could not stress much on being relaxed when you are talking to someone new. Do not scare away new people by being too intense. What does it mean by being too intense? Being too intense in this context reflect to you thinking, “Oh this person is going to be my BFF. I should contact him/her as much as possible.” I am not saying that the person is not a potential BFF but you will not know unless you get to know the person deeper. You do not need to put so much pressure on yourself to be friends with everyone you meet and also to think that you have to impress them so much. When you are opening up yourself to anyone, try to be relaxed and let the conversation flow.
3. Not everyone is going to be your close friend, and it is alright
One thing that we may often forget is that we cannot be friends with everyone, well not in a close term relationship anyway. I am not saying this to discourage you but maintaining a relationship does take time and a lot of effort. Some people do have many close friendships and I do not think that it is wrong but you do not need to be like them. If you can, I am more than happy for you but if you could not, it doesn’t really matter. Having few close friends are good for you because in this close tight knit relationship, you are more likely to feel more intimate with your close friends and you feel that it is easier to open up because not a lot of people could reveal your secret (not saying somebody will, I do hope not).
4. Introvert = extrovert = ambivert
Maybe you are wondering why I think that introvert is the same with extrovert and ambivert (for those of you who do not know what this means, it means that you have the characteristics of an extrovert and introvert). Your personality trait is not your social life sentence. To be honest, just because you are an introvert, it does not mean that you have or will make only a few friends and just because you are an extrovert, it does not mean that you make more friends but have less quality relationship. Being an ambivert reflects the best of both world but again, it should be a reason for you to be more of an introvert or more of an extrovert. No matter what your personality trait is (no one is a 100% introvert or extrovert anyway), you can have a lot of friends and also a deep quality relationship with them.
5. It takes two to tango
Last but not least, being open to people is a two way street. It means that you are not the only who has to open up to people to be friends with them, they do too. It is not only them who has to listen, put time, effort, and commitment in the relationship, you have to do it too. What I am trying to convey is that, if you feel that you are the only one or maybe your friend only feel that they are the only ones who are opening up and trying to work on the friendship, maybe you and your friend should reevaluate your friendship. We should always strive to not only want to be understood but also try to be more understanding in our friendships with other people.
I am Ready to Make New Friends!
Friendships will make you want to become the best version of yourself. You will also discover what love really is when you have true friends by your side and your friendship with that special someone might just be the best thing he or she has in their lives.
So, are you ready to open up and make long-lasting friendships? J Let us know in the comments below!
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